Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
third nipple confirmed
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
