nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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