i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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