And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
