I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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