so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
