if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
