I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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