U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize