Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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