I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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