she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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