I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
This baby is an asshole
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
