God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
