i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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