I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
