in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
