Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
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BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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