just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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