Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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