just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
