I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
