I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
