I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
