Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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