Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
