you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
