I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
