I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
