hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
