Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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