You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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