Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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