i don't like sucking hair
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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