The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
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I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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