whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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