you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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