I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
