i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
