Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
