i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
