Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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