I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you win again, gameday.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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