Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
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Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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