hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
