WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize