Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
