Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
