I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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