She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
