My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
