he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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