I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
