think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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