i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
