I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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