He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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