I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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