Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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