I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
