I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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