my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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