yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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