I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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