Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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